Impossible is a typoRunning my pants off and loving myself along the way

"Thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said: I drank WHAT?"

FatGirl hustles about the tiny Queens NY kitchen, knocking cats out of the way. “Dear God, what is wrong with these people,” she mumbles through gritted teeth. Like a Narcotics Agent searching for illicit hideyholes that some wannabe gangsta carved into the kitchen cabinets, FatGirl creeks open the one cabinet that contains food for about the 40 billionth time. She’s already checked and rechecked and checked again the other cabinet with the pots and pans. And yes, Dear Readers, she even checked inside the pans. She’s thorough and skilled in finding sneaky places that people hide chocolate and snacks.

Throwing her arms up in disgust and frustration, FatGirl exclaims “16 boxes of pasta but not a single cracker or Hersey Kiss?? Do these people never eat? I’m dying of starvation!” FatGirl slumps in defeat, wedging herself in the tiny chair by the tiny window, slamming her head oh-so dramatically on the tiny kitchen table.

FitGirl puts a calming hand on FatGirls shoulder. “They went out of town. They probably didn’t want food to go bad while they were gone.” she soothes. Lip trembling, a tear edging her eye, FatGirl moans “But what about me?” Sniff. Sniff.

With superhero bravado, FitGirl jumps up and proclaims “I know! I’ll make your a smoothie!” FatGirl cracks one eye to give FitGirl a disbelieving one-eyed glare. FitGirl efficiently hustles about, clanking silverware and opening the fridge. FatGirl moans and whines and thrashes about playing the woe-is-me part to the hilt.

“It will be delicious!” FitGirl cheers. FatGirl is unmoved.

“It will be creamy!” FitGirl coaxes. FatGirl is interested.

“It will be sweet!” FitGirl cajoles! FatGirl is very intersted but faking disbelief.

In the sudden hush that follows the blender turning off, FitGirl triumphantly places a glass before FatGirl. “Ta DAAAAA!”

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! It’s GREEN!! Are you trying to poison me??” FatGirl recoils from the glass as if it was a snake.

“I know! Isn’t it pretty! Have a taste!” FitGirl edges the glass closer to FatGirl delighted by her prowess with the blender.

“BUT WHY IS IT GREEN?” FatGirl makes mocking gag noises.

“It has spinach in it! And ginger, and apples, and pineapple! It’s delicious!” FitGirl beams.

“For the love of KitKats! Smoothies don’t have spinach. They have ice cream, or fro-yo if you’re desperate, and bananas, and sometimes chocolate. Smoothies do not have vegetables!” fumes FatGirl.

“Oh stop being silly. Just try it. You might actually like it!” FitGirl quips over her shoulder as she ducks out of the kitchen and the brewing drama storm.

“Fine.” FatGirl takes a sip. “Stupid spinach, blech” and another sip. “MM” with the third sip. FatGirl looks at the glass. “This is actually kind of good” she says with a quick look around to make sure no one hears. FitGirl from just around the door frame, licks her fingertip and makes a tic mark in the air to indicate Battle Won for FitGirl.

The Spinach Smoothie

1 cup of spinach

1 small apple

1/2 cup of fresh pineapple

a few grates of fresh ginger

Some green tea to make it blend all smooth

a pinch of cinnamon

a pinch of black pepper.

Blend till smooth and enjoy!

You talkin' to me Watermelon?

I’m having some food issues. Yeah I know, this is a “Fat Girl” blog, so you’re expecting me to wax pathetic about how I just ate a box of donuts and now I’m all weepy about it. That’s not the kind of food issues I’m having. Well, not right now at least.

Go FatGirl Go

I have a lot going on in my life right now. I’m taking a class that requires a good deal of travel to NYC. I work. I run. I blog. I write. I blah blah blah. I’m in hustle phase right now and it’s super fantastic. But what I’m not doing is putting a priority on health and fitness. I’m not taking the time to plan food and cook so I end up trying to throw together a lunch at 7am with snacks  and odds and ends rescued from my freezer and oops I forgot I have class so that means pizza while running to catch a train. Or I simply don’t eat and try to go 12 hours on a single Lara Bar, counting on the nutrition in the milk in my 4th cup of coffee to get me through the day.

This way of being isn’t working. I get irritable. I spend far too much money on food I didn’t really want to eat in the first place and I’m not meeting my heath and fitness goals. And I physically feel like crap, which leads me to Problem #2

Problem #2

And yup, we’re talking about “Number Two”. And no, I’m not going TMI here. I’ve been having tummy troubles off and on for the past few months. I feel like my body has to work really hard to digest the food I eat. My tummy makes noise that are not hunger-related noises. I’m all bloated at times and well, poo is an issue, that’s all I’m saying. I was worried for a while that I’m developing food allergies. Yes, I’ll go get tested at some point. I even did a wheat-free-week to see if gluten was the issue. No dice.

What I’m feeling right now takes me back 10 years to when I decided to go vegetarian. I feel like my whole body has to work extra hard to digest animal protein. This is a problem for me. I’ve got it that to achieve weight loss, you need to up your amount of protein. The whole new Weight Watcher’s Points Plus program is structured around that. So I started eating eggs and meat for breakfast, chicken with my lunch and some other animal for dinner, sometimes tuna as a snack. Whoa, meat left and right! I’m eating my veggies too but maybe I need to take a break from the meat.

The Meow Detox

I’m house sitting this week because Charlie, pictured above, can’t be trusted to take his seizure medication on his own. I went food shopping for what feels like the first time in a very very long time. I got spinach and kale and almond milk and apples and pineapple and holy cow, a “personal” watermelon! Isn’t that melon like the cutest thing ever! I made a superfood smoothie with spinach, ginger, pineapple and apples! I dived into Foodily to find a breakfast quinoa recipe (super yums but I didn’t rinse the quinoa enough as its a touch bitter). So I’m going to spend a week eating green things and enjoying whole food and not being as crazy on the run as the past few weeks have been. And hopefully by the end of the week my tummy will settle down and Charlie and I will still be friends. Getting a cat to take a pill is slight more dangerous than taking a cupcake away from a crying fat girl. Just sayin’.