Posted by Amy | Posted in Generalissimo Schedule, Mind Games | Posted on 05-07-2011
Fat Girl’s Guide to Feeling Like Crap and Avoiding Exercise.
The mission here, Folks, is to avoid exercise at all costs. We’re going to get crafty, subversive, sneaky and down right slippery. Your inner Fit Girl is a tough nut to crack. She LIKES working out – GASPS. I know, it’s hard to believe. I don’t know how anyone could enjoy working out. I mean seriously. You get all sweaty and smelly. You sweat. Ew gross! You get pimples on your nose. AND you have to wear work out clothes AND everyone will be looking at how big you butt is. This is unacceptable. Fit Girl doesn’t care about these things. She actually thinks its COOL when she gets soaked in sweat. Yuckie. So we’re going to have to employ some sneaky techniques to avoid exercise at all costs. And if we do this right and we’re really lucky, we’ll have endless bags of Cheese Doodles.
Step 1 – Fill you’re life with awesome exciting stuff.
This is the most crucial part. You have to get so busy with amazing stuff that you feel like you have no time to brush your teeth let alone take an hour to run or go to the yuckie gym. Keep saying YES to projects. Say YES to helping friends move or working on their websites. Say YES to extra work shifts. YES to everything and anything. You want to get your life scheduled down to the minute. It’s super important that you schedule phone calls first thing in the morning, and last thing at night. It’s ideal if you work with people in different time zones for maximum schedule SNAFUs. Oh and make sure you schedule only 20 minutes between appointments. Any thing more than that and Fit Girl might get in in a run.
Step 2 – Do not go to the grocery store.
Now that your life is full of awesome stuff, of course you won’t have time for the supermarket. For your inner Fit Girl, the supermarket is an adventure what with all the label reading and comparing light bread and whole wheat bread and normal good-ole-fashioned white bread. Seriously? How can you have a PB&J and whole wheat?? It’s like eating cardboard. Once you’re scheduled so tight, the only option is to use your gym time to go to the supermarket. “Oh, wait, instead of standing in line at the supermarket, we can just snack on hummus and chips at the handy convenience store. We’ll have time for salad tomorrow”. This is your mission – CONVINENCE. Taking an hour to cook and prep veggies is NOT convenient. Sure, if you invested an hour at the grocery store you’d be set for the week, but please refer back to Step 1. You’d rather be doing awesome stuff than shopping for carrots.
Step 3 – Tomorrow, Tomorrow
Embrace Tomorrow. Tomorrow you’ll have time to run. Tomorrow you’ll have time for the supermarket. Tomorrow you’ll have time to cook. Tomorrow you’ll eat healthy. Really get into Tomorrow Mode. Today you can have Cheese Doodles because TOMORROW you’ll be good.
Now, if you successfully implement Steps 1 through 3 for about a week straight, you’ll be low on sleep, you’ll have none of that endorphin nonsense from exercise and you’ll be well on your way to running your immune system into the ground thereby catching a cold. Then it’s Golden Time! When you have a cold, ice cream for breakfast is totally appropriate! Now go out there, Folks and do your best to avoid exercise!!