Impossible is a typoRunning my pants off and loving myself along the way

FitGirl: What are you doing?

FatGirl: Eating cake! Look, it’s zero points

FitGirl: No cake is zero points.

FatGirl: Look. Pinterest says it’s ZERO points. It’s a Zero Point Cake.  You make it in a MUG. In the MICROWAVE. In 1 MINUTE. I could eat a dozen of these suckers.

FitGirl: (looking at three cake crusted mugs on the counter) Um, even if it is zero points, which it’s not, having three of them is not zero points.

FatGirl: OMG can’t you do math? ZERO times THREE is ZERO. It’s ZERO point cake. Pinterest said so.

So maybe you’ve seen this pin floating around on Pinterest for the ZERO point mug cake.

Don’t believe everything you pin.

I hate to break the news, it’s not zero points. How do I know? I got a little funky with a spreadsheet.

The info on the pin says:

IT’S 0 POINTS PLUS!! Genius! 1-2-3 Cake. You need 2 boxes of cake mix. 1 can be any flavor you prefer, but the other MUST be Angel Food cake mix. Mix them together (shake them in a big ziploc bag or stir them together in a big bowl). Then simply store the mixture in an airtight container until you get the urge for dessert. Then just put 3 tablespoons of the dry mixture in a big coffee mug and stir in 2 tablespoons of water. Microwave it for one minute

So that’s what I did, I mixed a Betty Crocker Angel Food Cake Mix with a Betty Crocker Devil Food Cake Mix and carefully weighed out three tablespoons in grams. It came out to 30 grams per serving.

Then since a serving of each cake did not match the servings in the Mug Cake, I totaled up the boxes, added them together and divided it into 30 gram servings to figure out the total nutritional values.

Then I put those into the Points calculator, and shaazam – 3 Points Plus.

So, this is a good lesson in not believing what you pin.

Now, I’m not knocking this cake. It’s simple, tasty, and hits the spot if you need just a little chocolate to get you though the night. I totally recommend having it on hand because it’s not like a bag of cookies, that remain open and just seem to talk to you late at night. Since you actually have to cook it, you’re lest apt to have say 4 than you might with an open bag of cookies.

TIP: only cook it for 45 seconds. 1 minute is WAY too long. Your microwave may vary, but keep an eye on it, once the top stops bubbling and it looks dry and just begins to pull away from the edge of the mug, it’s done, get it out of there. Also, for one more point, add a teaspoon of peanut butter, it makes it ever so rich.

OH and I’ve also used left over coffee instead of water, that will boost the chocolate flavor just a bit.

Do you ever feel like your Crazy Inner FatGirl is using any means possible to get her message through?

Toast is just a delivery system for Butter

Yes, I actually had this conversation with myself last night. Butter did not win.

Don't hate me because I don't like it

CrazyInnerFatGirl: Nibble, nibble, grimace. Sip, slurp, blech.

VoiceOfReasonFitGirl: What are you doing?

FatGirl: Enjoying a Pumpkin Spice Latte and pumpkin spiced muffin.

Grimace, blech

FitGirl: Um, you don’t actually seem to be “enjoying” it. Air quotes.

FatGirl: What are you insane? Of course I’m enjoying it. It’s Fall. This is the only time you can get Pumpkin Spice stuff. If you don’t enjoy it now, it goes away and you can never never ever have it again.

Grimice, blech

FatGirl: Besides all the cool kids are doing it.

FitGirl: Do you actually like pumpkin Spice?

FatGirl: What are you insane? Of course I like it. It’s Fall. This is the only time you can get Pumpkin Spice stuff. If you don’t enjoy it now, it goes away and you can never never EVER have it again.

Grimice, blech

FitGirl: Just smile and nod.

See, here’s the thing. I don’t really like “Pumpkin Spice”, especially in my coffee. For all that is good and holy, please stop putting weird things in coffee, like Blueberry flavor. Seriously, that breaks laws of physics. I’m sure of it! And yet, I feel compelled to jump on the pumpkin spice bandwagon every fall hoping that this is the year I’ll fall in love with it.

And Pinterest is not helping. I found a pin somewhere about combining a package of sugar-free pudding, a can of pumpkin, cinnamon, and a tub of Cool-whip and Tadaaaaa “Best dessert eva!” “Only 2 WW points” and 740,733 pins later, it has to be good. So I tried it…

Simple to make…

Pumpkin Spiced Fluff

Just mix pudding with the pumpkin… fold in the Cool-Whip (Yeah, OK, hush, I know that stuff is the devil and barely qualifies as “food” but ya can’t fault a girl for liking a big ole spoonful now and again)

Pudding + Pumpkin + Cool Whip is meh

Graham cracker added flair…

Fluff + graham cracker still meh

and meh.

It was OK, I guess, if you actually LIKE pumpkin spice stuff. It was creamy, dense, just sweet enough. And I don’t, I just don’t like pumpkin spice. And I keep forgetting that I don’t like it and  eat it anyway. I know it’s a food fad with heavy marketing around it and boy does the marketing work. I feel like I’m somehow left out because I just don’t love pumpkin spice.

In a former lifetime, I aspired to be a chef. See, I love cooking and at one of those pivot points of life, I swiveled towards professional cooking. But then, well, life stepped in and well, that didn’t happen (translation – I broke my arm making hauling around 40lb bags of potatoes a thing of the past.) Anyhoo….

I’ve been in a food funk. I’m just not interested in cooking. Oh believe me, I’m interested in the eating and boy, is my crazy inner FatGirl LOVING the fact that I eating like a stoner. FatGirl agrees that a perfectly acceptable dinner could be a spoon, a jar of peanut butter and a bag of chocolate chips. Yeah, I had that for dinner last week, don’t hate.

But I actually whipped out the pots and pans (three to be exact) and I didn’t even have to use my Fancy Knife Skills. Or should I say “skillz” ‘cuz I gots me some mad knife skillz… pause for laughter… wait, the only one who might even chuckle at that is Lil Sis because of that Secret Sister Twin Language thing which her husband likes to point out is meaningless considering we are not twins… but I digress… again…

Anyway, I got to cooking up a restaurant quality meal and you can too, in about 20 minutes life a pro, or almost a pro, or sort-of-wanted-to-be-once pro!

Seared Tuna Steaks with Brown Rice and Sauteed Baby Squash

Hey look! I can cook!

You’ll need:

• some quick cook brown rice (I don’t remember the kind I used but it boiled for 10 minutes)
• a pot to cook the rice in.
• a tuna steak (on sale at Trader Joes!)
• a fry pan for the tuna
• baby zucchinni squash
• some olive oil, salt and pepper
• a bit more olive oil, salt, pepper and maybe some butter if you’re feeling indulgent
• a fry pan for the squash

Now go!

Get the rice ready to go, measure the water and what not and get it on the stove. Now, put the fry pan you want to cook the tuna in on the stove on HIGH heat. You want it SCREAMING HOT.

Now your tuna pan should be nice and hot. How do you know if its hot enough? Hold you hand about 2 inches over the pan, if you snatch it away quick, its hot enough.

Put your tuna steak in the pan and for the love of all that is good and delicious, don’t move it! If the pan is SUPER hot it will sear and not stick. Set the timer for 2 minutes. Yup its just 2 minutes a side. It can be rare in the middle… This is a quality tuna steak not a can of tuna fish. When the timer beeps, flip it. If it sticks to the pan, don’t force it, count to 10 and try again, and 10 again. Flip and set the timer for 2 more minutes.

You are shaking the pan with the baby squash right?

Just keep shaking the pan!

Right now, if you’re feeling indulgent, toss it about a teaspoon of butter to the squash for richness. Now, if you notice, your rice should be just about done. And the tuna should be just about done, and well gosh, the baby squash is just about done too!

And that’s how a chef gets everything on the plate at the same time!

I’ve had other blogs over the years. Some were good ideas that I just never stuck with, others… well, let’s just say I was bored and entertaining myself. One of my first blogs was “A Tradition of Quirky Artists“. It was a blog created by the family to record some of our artistic and creative adventures. I happen to do a search and it popped up! I read the post and giggled endlessly.

Here’s a bit of a preview, then click on over to read the whole post!

Bad Biscuit Bad! How Alton Brown Ruined Christmas

“Alton Brown Ruined Christmas”

So, it’s Christmas Eve in the Glass Needle house and plans for Christmas dinner are not yet finalized. You see, plans were up in the air as we awaited the arrival of a new bundle of joy and we wanted to be set for a Christmas Baby (Baby arrived on the 5th Day of Christmas, but that’s another blog post). Finally we settled on going to my sister’s house for dinner. And of course we needed some sort of food adventure, ideally one that required an empirical test. We do so love our empirical tests. Ham was decided upon. And mashed potatoes. Naturally. And what else goes with ham and mashed potatoes? Biscuits of course!

Now, you have to understand the place biscuits hold in our hearts. There were many weekend morning where we’d throw together a pan of biscuits and brew pots upon pots of coffee when sis and I lived together. I got pretty good at the biscuit making. Light, fluffy, moist, crumbly, biscuits are a wee little slice of heaven on this earth.

The second bit of background information that is very important isAlton Brown. Yes, Alton Brown of Good Eats is a veritable god in our humble opinions. Who doesn’t love his show? His cook books are an education in science and food. Alton Brown’s procedure for BAKING brown rice instead of hoping and praying it came out ok on the stove top changed my life. I have perfect brown rice each and every time! And OMG his brown rice salad??? Not only does it involve bacon, which we all know is awesome, it solves the problem of how do you transport dressing with your salad for a tasty lunch. Why you cook the dressing RIGHT INTO THE RICE!!! Genius! Pure genius I say!

Upon receiving Alton Brown’s baking book some time ago, Sis and I vowed that we would have a Biscuit Bake Off. Biscuits are a chapter on to themselves. He writes how he perfected the biscuit procedure and finally settled upon a recipe that rivals all others. He even states that were he the kind of person who entered baking contests, he would enter these biscuits and he would win. Now that is a biscuit to behold! We must have these biscuits!!!

Well, now wouldn’t Christmas be the perfect time to dive into Alton Brown’s ultimate biscuit recipe?

You see, it’s an edgy recipe. It’s daring. It’s risky. It’s not your normal recipe. IT INVOLVES AN EGG! Yes, that’s right. An EGG in your biscuit!!! GASP!!!!!

We decided not to go with the empirical test method. We were going to do a traditional biscuit along side Alton Brown’s new crazy method. But no! We would trust the fate of our Christmas dinner to Alton Brown! He would never do us wrong!!

Oh, how wrong we were.

Click here to read more: “Alton Brown Ruined Christmas”

FitGirl: What should we have for dinner?

FatGirl: Bareburger.

FitGirl: Quinoa pilaf? Brown rice?

FatGirl: Bareburger.

FitGirl: No seriously. What are we having for dinner?

FatGirl: Bareburger.

FitGirl: C’mon, we can’t have burgers for dinner again. Salmon? Protein shake?

FatGirl: Bareburger.

FitGirl: For goodness sa….

FatGirl: Bareburger.

FitGirl: If you say “Bareburger” one more time…

FatGirl: Bareburger.

FitGirl: Look, I know Bareburger is tasty and organic, but..

FatGirl: I’ll buy you a milkshake.

FitGirl: Bareburger it is.

May I introduce Bareburger

Bareburger - Just your friendly neighborhood Burger joint, just bike on up!

A friend dragged me to Bareburger about a month ago. OK, fine. “Dragged” is a wee bit forceful.  Let’s go with “enthusiastically suggested and I capitulated”. Look at me with the SAT words! I’m not a big burger fan, not because I don’t like burgers but because when I want a good burger, 9 times out of 10 I’m totally disappointed in what arrives on my plate. She added “They’re organic by the way” to entice me further. And I’ll admit, I rolled my eyes at that. As a marketeer, I see “organic” tossed around with little care and used mostly to justify a price mark up. Yeah, I’m a bit biased, but more on that in a second…

So, we go to Bareburger on 31st Ave in Astoria. All the employees were so nice, it was almost uncomfortable. In New York, you sort of get used to pleasant but brisk and efficient service. Our server chatted with us like we were real human beings, like folks from the neighborhood, while also providing pleasant and efficient service. We had a 10 minute conversation about burlesque hair styles while we waited for our dinner. I began to feel there was something a little bit different about Bareburger.

"Bare-y nice to meet you!" Get it? Very... Bare-y... yuk yuk

It was all over the moment my burger and onion rings arrived.

Remember when I said that 9 out of 10 times I’m totally disappointed in my burger experience because it never lives up to my expectations? All burgers will now have to live up to the standard Bareburger created for me.

Picture... 1,000 words... you get the drift.

So, the service and vibe in Bareburger is exceptional and the food will make you an instant fan. But there was still something nagging at me.

Good vibes at Bareburger, cool and cozy

The whole “organic” thing. It’s hard for me to get past seeing it as anything but a marketing gimmick. Like my favorite coffee place features “organic” coffee. OK great, that’s awesome right? But the milk they serve for your organic coffee is not organic. So what’s the point of having one and only one element of your meal being organic when it’s overwhelmed by all the non-organic ingredients? It’s like what’s the point of having a diet Coke with your 3,000 calorie Blooming Onion? Sorry, I’m a bit soap-boxy about all this.

See, I WANT to fall madly, head-over-heels in love with Bareburger. I WANT to believe that its NOT a gimmick, and cheerlead the cause.

Keepin' an eye on things

So, I went to the source – Owner, founder, creator Euripides Pelekanos.

EP, as he signs his emails, shared that the ideas behind Bareburger started almost by accident. In 2001, EP opened Sputnik, a live music and art venue in Brooklyn. They served food, but food, while not quite an afterthought, wasn’t what Sputnik was about. Until they put an organic burger on the menu. Now, this was before burgers became the new cupcake, before Five Guys and Shake Shack showed up in NY, before burgers were cool and trendy. People started hitting up Sputnik just for the burgers and the music and art started to come second. In that moment, Bareburger began to take shape.

“But there was one thing that didn’t make @#$%’ing sense”, (Sidenote – Hanging out with EP is like hanging out with that kid you grew up in the neighborhood with, straight forward and very personable, relaxed but really passionate. He kept apologizing for cussing. It was cute). “It just doesn’t make sense to have an organic burger and then pile it with non-organic toppings.”

Hello Mind Reader!

“Organic isn’t just a trend, it’s where the food industry is going”. EP had me consider that all the processed, mass produced, factory food we grew up on was driven by big business in the 50s. World War II ended, the Baby Boom was on. We changed how we lived and what was important to us. We stopped shopping at local markets and started going for convenience and speed. Organic is now becoming big business and will (heck, already is) change the way food is produced and consumed. Now hold that thought…

Bareburger opened in 2009 in a TINY 1000 square foot former bakery that had been closed “forever”, EP says. And he would know as he, and the other owners of Bareburger, all grew up in Astoria. Back in those days, (yeah I know, “3 years ago” is not an eon but things can change really rapidly in NYC neighborhoods) Astoria didn’t have a lot of “fancy” food. You had your typical local restaurants, heavy on the Greek flavors, being an old immigrant neighborhood, but you wouldn’t find many foodie blog write ups about Astoria. Doing a fancy hamburger in a working class neighborhood was risky enough, adding the organic element was nail-biting. EP says they did ZERO advertising except for an 8 1/2 X 11 printout in the window saying “Bareburger. Organic Burgers. Opening June 12, 2pm”. On opening day, with EP in the kitchen, they expected 5 or 6 people at the door. About 60 showed up at 2pm. After a bit of a bumpy start, they knew they hit a nerve. Three years later, the 11th Bareburger will open very very soon in an undisclosed location (Yup, I know where it is, and Nope I’m not telling), and EP joked that they’ve probably served over a million burgers.

And now back to Big Business… EP said that sourcing ingredients and staying profitable can be a challenge when you’re talking organic and all natural ingredients. It’s a challenge on both the farmer’s side of things and the buyer’s side. Licenses and certifications are expensive, then there’s shipping, storage, and probably a bazillion things I’m not even thinking about. “Once you start dealing in volume, costs come down and you have greater control over the product”. Then we talked bacon. Ah, bacon, it always comes back to bacon. EP shared how, because of the volume Bareburger deals in with soon-to-be 11 shops, he can get suppliers to craft products just for Bareburger like special cut, cured and smoked bacon.

At Bareburger it's all about the ingredients

Bareburger wants to have that one-on-one relationship with their suppliers so they know exactly what they are buying. Why? Because they want YOU to know it too. Each table has an FAQ that gives you, in almost overwhelming details, the fat percentages, origin, chemical usage, certification of pretty much everything on the menu. It’s rather impressive.

Guardians of the FAQ

That little FAQ sheet will also tell you that Bareburger is about as green as you can get without building from the ground up. They use recycled vinyl for their booths, reclaimed wood for the tables, and recycled and re-purposed furnishings wherever they can. Again, EP noted how absurd it is to serve organic food on petro-chemical plastics. Bareburger has seen some crazy growth, but you probably won’t see Bareburgers popping up in your local mall. It’s a Main Street, neighborhood kind of joint. Manager Steve told me that one of the things he loves about working on 31st Ave is that it is a neighborhood, all the shop owners are buddies rather than competitors. “Its like you can go next door and borrow a cup of sugar if you need to”.

Green, sustainable and organic are not gimmicks

Yeah, I know your thinking “hey, this is weird, Amy isn’t talking about how delicious the food is”. Just trust it’s crazy pants delicious, but for god sakes, what ever you do, do not have a milkshake. That’s right, step away from the milkshake. Just back off, alright. I will go all Mr. Blonde on you if they are out of vanilla ice cream because you ordered the last vanilla milkshake. Just sayin’ – alls fair in love and war and milk shakes.

I'm not sure they have enough ice cream

OK, so you know the food is beyond good, the service is top notch, and they are organic as part of the fabric of the company. But this is what sealed the deal for me:

No, you can't have a bite.

I asked EP about the logo – what the heck is up with a bear riding a unicycle with a beer and a burger in its hands. He smiled and said “Why not a bear riding a unicycle with a beer and a burger in its hands? Look, after a couple drinks, it seemed like a good idea and it just stuck.”

Sold.

Why not indeed

I grew up on Long Island where you can’t drive a mile without passing at least 3 pizza shops. And we’re talking good pizza. The pizza all other pizza in the world wish they could be. Crisp yet chewy crust. Cheese that oozes all melty in your mouth. Sauce that bursts with sweet-tart tomatoey goodness. Whew, I need to sit down just at the thought. Mike’s was our local pizza shop growing up. I can close my eyes and remember the rich yummy smell of my dad walking in the house with a pie, half pepperoni, half sausage, with soda. Pizza night was one of the few times we were allowed soda growing up.

Pizza for me is the most perfect food on earth, and yeah, I’ll own it, I’m a total pizza snob and super righteous about it, which is completely justified as I had to suffer three years of pizza in Japan where “normal” ingredients were corn, potato and squid ink. Just sayin’ you don’t mess with pizza. I won’t eat pizza outside of a 50 mile radius of New York City anymore because what other people do to dough, sauce and cheese in the name of pizza can be a monstrosity.  Seriously, stop putting pineapple on your pizza, people! You want to go all crazy and put truffle and duck confit on dough? Great, call it “flatbread”, stop calling it “pizza” for god sakes! It’s just wrong and goes against all the laws of nature. No, worse than that, it breaks the Laws of Pizza Physics.

So when I got an invite to the preview of “SkinnyPizza” at Roosevelt Field Mall, I was concerned and dubious. “Skinny” and “Pizza” shouldn’t really be in the same sentence together unless of course you’re saying “Look at those skinny girls, someone should get them a slice of pizza”. I was more than pleasantly surprised by SkinnyPizza, shocked actually as it was really really good.

The shop is sleek and modern. Airy, with really clean lines, not sterile at all but also not a place you’re going to sit for a few hours with friends. This is a pizza joint after all, not a diner. They have an outdoor table area which is nice and not very common on Long Island.

SkinnyPizza Counter Service

“Shut up and tell me about the pizza!!!”

OK OK.

Sheesh.

SkinnyPizza is obviously thin crust pizza. So you’re not going to get that bready, doughy, crispy, chewy mouthful of my beloved Mike’s. Now, I’ve had a lot of “low cal” and thin crust pizza in my day, and with the first bite, it crumbles to dust, leaving your toppings to slide down your front, and you get home and find a random mushroom in your purse. Thin crust crispy pizza can be like having Saltines with pizza toppings – a serious transgression against the Laws of Pizza Physics. This is NOT the crust you’ll find at SkinnyPizza. The crust is crisp but still has the chew you expect when you bite into pizza and totally stands up to the classic New York Fold. What? You don’t fold your pizza in half? What is wrong with you? You have to fold your pizza in half or else you get sauce and cheese all over your face. Sheesh, that’s the First Law of Pizza Physics – Fold Thy Pizza. The Second Law, in case you’re interested is “If you have to eat it with a knife and fork, it’s not pizza”.

SkinnyPizza Classic - Big Flavor

The SkinnyClassic delivers on taste. The sauce is bright and bold (and that’s because they make it in-house with organic tomatoes), it comes THIS close to being overpowering but doesn’t cross the line. The cheese doesn’t do that scary non-melting thing you sometimes find with low fat cheese that makes you wonder if it’s a dairy product or a plastic. The flavor profile (I know, snobby foodie term) was exactly what you want from a classic cheese pizza just with out the calorie count. Yup, you read the card right. It says “253 Calories” and that’s for a whole slice. And not a shabby micro slice, but a real normal human sized slice.

SkinnyArugula from SkinnyPizza - BIG taste

The SkinnyArugula was the first slice I tried. HUGE flavor, the arugula adds something-something to the normal pizza experience. While it was super tasty, it was a bit hard to eat. I kept losing greens and those tasty little cherry tomatoes kept popping off and shooting across the store. Classy. Maybe salad on my pizza is beyond my hand-eye coordination skills. And salad pizza does break the first two Laws of Pizza Physics. Tasty, but hard to eat.

SkinnyBuffalo - I could eat this every day

OK, I won’t lie. I had a second slice and seriously considered a third slice of the SkinnyBuffalo. Yeah, I know, this breaks like 47 Laws of Pizza Physics but Holy Handbags Batman, this was crazy delicious. It was like eating a plate of the best buffalo wings you’ve ever had without the messy fingers and the morning-after regret. The chicken chunks were chunks. I mean CHUNKS. Look at it, those little chicken jewels, they’re moist and dipped in some crazy sauce that comes close to being too spicy but is just perfect with the blue cheese sprinkled on top. I know this was not a classic pizza but man, I seriously could eat this every day.

Pasta at SkinnyPizza

Just so you know, SkinnyPizza also does pasta, which I did not try. I mean, seriously, after two slices, OK FINE, three slices, I was getting the food woozies and couldn’t contemplate the choices. SkinnyPizza offers whole wheat and gluten free pasta options with their house-made sauces. Which is really good news as gluten-free anything is hard to come by locally. And topped with SkinnyPizza’s bold sauce, I know I’ll be back to try some. Check out their menu for salad, wraps and soups!

There was a secret hidden surprise at SkinnyPizza which, by itself will have me back at SkinnyPizza again and again…

Boylan Soda at SkinnyPizza - Best soda ever

Boylan Soda. I am not a huge soda fan but if I had a Boylan soda fountain in my house, I would never leave, I’d bathe in it, put it in my coffee and morning cereal. I discovered Boylan years ago and it’s hard to find and I’ve never seen it in anything but glass bottles. Boylan uses actual sugar, not corn syrup, in their beverages which gives them this crisp sweetness that is remarkable and distinctive. The diet black cherry is like a sparkling dessert. It’s that good.

Tasty and calorie conscious food should be enough to get you in the door but what the company stands for will keep you coming back. The owners and creators of SkinnyPizza are childhood friends and grew up in and around the restaurant industry. When they started having families, they started getting really interested in what ingredients were going into the food their families were eating. SkinnyPizza uses organic and all natural ingredients where ever possible and source suppliers that are hormone and antibiotic free. And they want you to know what you’re eating too and “we want you to have a second slice!” one of the owners said to me. Scanning their menu you’ll see calorie counts, notes as to what’s organic and hormone-free and even the fiber count of the pasta. Who does that? Apparently, SkinnyPizza does. OH and they do have Weight Watcher’s Points Plus values for most menu items if you ask.

Green SkinnyPizza

SkinnyPizza also uses as much recycled and green products as possible. I wish I grabbed a shot of the beverage cups, as they looked just like regular plastic cups but were made from plant based materials. The menus are printed with soy-based ink on recycled paper.

So, you’ve read this far and now I want you to do something. Here’s the problem. There are only 2 SkinnyPizza locations - Roslyn Heights and Garden City (Roosevelt Field Mall). Go to the SkinnyPizza Facebook Page, tell them you want a SkinnyPizza in YOUR neighborhood. Trust me, you’re skinny jeans will thank you.

I don’t know why, but right now, Veggies (and their buddies, Fruit) and I are not on speaking terms.

No, wait, I do know why. Life has been stressful lately, I’m dealing with a lot of stuff and damnit, Mac and Cheese just makes me feel better.

The only problem is that it doesn’t.

Crazy Inner FatGirl runs the show when things get rough. She moans and whines and complains like this:

Look, things are rocky right now. Making a salad is just too involved and takes forever to eat. A box of Mac and Cheese takes like 42 seconds and it will hit the spot. We just don’t have time for blending a smoothie or cooking up a piece of fish. Blech. Hey look, French Bread Pizza is on sale and all you have to do is pop it in the oven. Let’s just eat and get back to work, mmmkay?

So yup, I’m in junk-food-carbo-loading mode like I’m a 14-year-old boy, eating all the things I shouldn’t be.

And the kicker is, I know eating this way doesn’t make me feel good. I feel like a sloth, my skin is all gross and I’m so low-energy that getting out of my Hello Kitty jammies seems like a Herculean effort.

While at the market last night shopping for the aforementioned French Bread Pizza, I spied these little gems.

Know what these are?

Do you now what they are? I first encountered these ruby gems traveling to Asia with my family like 30 years ago (OMG, I did I just say “30 years ago”. Holy Handbags, when did I get old?).  Eating them always fills me with this child-like glee, that feeling of discovery and adventure you have when EVERYTHING you encounter is new and exciting. And that got me thinking… what if I approached every meal with the excitement of discovery? What if, instead of leaning on well known comfort foods (let’s get real about that, it’s not comfort food, it’s “numb” food, things to eat in hopes you don’t feel things, but alas, that’s a different post), I started eating exciting foods? What if I started looking forward to meals?

Now that’s an interesting idea.

FatGirl Says: Oh Duane, you really get me. You really get my needs, my wants, that little thing that will just make my day better. You’re there for me when I have the sniffles. You make me feel pretty. You have chocolate for every holiday known under the sun and you have chocolate just “because”. And it’s like you’re there like 24/7, always open and available. Le sigh.

Chocolate Covered Almonds at DReade makes the world better

I have a secret love affair with Duane Reade Drug Stores. This affair started for two reasons. Years ago, Chase Bank put an ATM machine in every Duane Reade in the City. If you’re a Chase customer, that pretty much means there’s a fee-free ATM about every 50 feet or so, either in a Duane Reade or in a Chase Bank. One of my biggest pet peeves in life that you have to pay to have access to your hard-earned cash. When Duane Reade and Chase teamed up, that meant I was seeing red about my green with much less frequency.

A Chase ATM on every block

The second reason that I came to love Duane Reade is that I’m pathologically early for things. You see, I’ve spent far too much time in Japan and it has some lingering side effects like the inability to give an unambiguous no and being on time to the point of obsession and driving everyone in my life flippin’ nuts because I simple can’t be late so I’m always early. Since I don’t actually want to drive everyone in my life flippin’ nuts AND I’m pathologically early for things, I developed the coping mechanism of wandering Duane Reade endlessly. There are like 6 billion Duane Reades in NYC (OK, like 250+ stores but really, considering Manhattan is only 22.7 square miles, that’s like, oh help me out with the math here, 10 or so Duane Reades per square mile?), you can always find a Duane Reade to pop into to kill some time. I could hit a coffee shop to kill time, but then you’re sitting there staring at your coffee with nothing to do, so you need to go to Duane Reade anyway to get a Cosmo and take the Sex Quiz to bide the time. And we all know that there will be no popping into the Gap or some fancy pants boutique with my Crazy Inner FatGirl’s illogical fear of retail sales girls. It is impossible to think you’re too fat for hair gel. And besides, there’s ALWAYS something you need, Febreeze, tissues, chocolate, mascara, so while you’re trying not to drive people flippin’ nuts, get your errands done.

Never too fat for Hair Care Products

Duane Reade started a re-branding project in about 2005 or so, and it went way beyond developing a fancy new logo. They really began to shift what’s possible for a local drug store. When you think “drug store” you think, well, drugs. Yeah, you can get your drugs in the pharmacy and all the over-the-counter-make-me-feel-better-right-this-very-second stuff like Mucinex and Advil, as well as your hair care products, last minute cheesy gifts, a few cleaning supplies, all the little necessities and niceties of life. But Duane Reade really saw the opportunity to provide something more for their customers and the communities they’re in. Duane Reade now offers flu shots, select locations have “Doctor on Premises” where you can get immediate and affordable health care for minor complaints like colds and boo-boos with no appointments – a huge service in an era where health care is pricey and frustrating and actually kind of hard to come by in NYC with hospitals closing. The pharmacy will text message you when your prescription is ready to be picked up and they even offer language assistance, so that you can really be taken care of. You may have never been sick in a place where you don’t speak the language, but let me tell you, there is nothing more stressful and terrifying than trying to buy medicine in a foreign language. You don’t know if this package is going to cure your hemorrhoids or remove unwanted hair.

Then there is the LOOK Boutique.

Looking good at LOOK Boutique at DReade

Imagine walking into your local drug store and being able to sample the newest OPI nail color, or THE anti-aging face cream wonder that all the magazines are featuring. The LOOK Boutique goes beyond your everyday CoverGirl cosmetics and introduces you to beauty lines that are 100% vegan and natural, and I can’t even begin to ooo and ahh enough about the different lines they carry. But they’ve taken that even further. Most LOOK Boutiques are staffed by people who actually know what they’re talking about and will help you find something new and fun to try. Then they took this to the next level when the 40 Wall store opened. Right in the drug store, you can get your hair blown out, your nails done, sample over 40 different perfumes and they have a virtual make-over kiosk. When you’ve worked all day and you have a big date, pop in, spruce up and not drop a load of cash. Freakin Brilliant.

But the thing I want to really talk about is food. Naturally.

Redefining fast food at Duane Reade

With this re-branding project, Duane Reade is altering the way you can shop for food and eat in NYC. If you don’t live in NYC, here’s a little known fact – supermarkets are few and far between. It is not possible to drive up to a mega supermarket, fill your cart with a months worth of food and head on home. Grocery stores in NYC are tiny, cramped and severely limited in the quality and quantity of goods they offer. There are entire neighborhoods that lack a grocery store of any sort. This means that you do a lot of your food shopping at the corner deli where quantity and quality is even more limited and you would cry over the prices, or you lug your groceries for miles on public transportation. Don’t even get me started on the lack of fruits and vegetables, organic food and basic healthy eating needs. Duane Reade already has a vast presence in NYC. They started bringing in quality pre-made food, like sandwiches and salads. Then they started to expand into basic grocery needs. This addition alone can literally alter the health and well-being of entire communities.

My business partner at Ginger Snap Works and I were invited to attend the opening of a new Duane Reade on Broadway and 52nd Street by Collective Bias, a social media and blogger engagement agency, who is working on some social media projects with Duane Reade.

Ginger Snap Works at Duane Reade

They kicked off the press event by donating $350,000 to Susan G. Komen. I was kind of hoping to see one of those giant checks like they give to lottery winners. I guess that’s a little tacky these days huh? And well, when you’re talking about over a quarter million dollars, no need to be obvious about it.

Duane Reade plays Santa for Susan G. Komen with $350,000 donation

And Antoine was there with his jet pack of coffee, so all around, it was an excellent morning.

Go Go Coffee Jet Pack

I could gush for a while about how pretty and spacious the store is, but I really want to talk about the food. The entire upstairs is food and there is a grocery section down stairs. And bestill my little FitGirl heart – there’s some good healthy stuff here. I mean, just check out the yogurt section.

A billion yogurts at Duane Reade

What drug store do you know that has a fresh produce section?

Fresh Produce at Duane Reade... next to light bulbs?

OK, the fresh produce is next to the light bulbs and dog food and that’s a bit freaky but I can work with it. And will you look at that, there’s fresh fruit within 5 steps of the entrance. Bananas, apples and oranges are actually the first product you encounter when you walk in the store.

Ninja Bananas prepare to attack at Duane Reade

Now hold on to your Points Tracker, because this is what is really amazing. At the B’Way store, yeah yeah, sure you can get cleaning supplies, magazines, cold medicine, and your usual drinks and snacks and treats. And OK, they upped the game with fresh food and bananas and even beer…

Beer in the drug store?

The whole first floor is a food market. And I’m not talking day old muffins and Cheetos.

A machine that dispenses slushy drinks;

On-Demand Brain Freeze

Self-serve Frozen Yogurt with toppings (peach is to die for!);

Self Serve Frozen Yogurt at Duane Reade

A sushi bar. Yes, a real live human being stands right there and makes sushi for you;

Sushi Fixins at the Sushi Bar

There’s a fridge case with about oh 8 dozen different kinds of salads and sandwiches;

Sammies, salads and quick healthy lunches

A fresh juice bar;

Fresh squeezed Juice at Duane Reade

Then you circle around and find gourmet breads and holy freaking cow Fat Witch Brownies next to a machine that dispenses a variety of coffees and…

Fat Girl and Fat Witch = Heaven

wait for it…

AN OATMEAL VENDING MACHINE.

A machine that gives you oatmeal. Holy cow Duane Reade!

Yes, that’s right, you put a cup under the spout and press a button and out comes oatmeal. OK, fine, it’s instant oatmeal and I’m kind of an oatmeal snob but I had a cup. It was $1.99, a wee hint of sweetness, not mushy or soupy at all like instant oatmeal and way way less sweet, and to be honest, it’s better than Starbucks oatmeal.

I’m sure I’m missing a dozen things that are new and exciting in this store as I was a wee bit distracted by the food options. This ain’t a Fat Girl blog for no reason after all!. OH! And my inner Fit Girl will break a proverbial knee cap if I don’t plug the single best thing in Duane Reade…

And FitGirl says: You’re out and about in the City, dashing to a yoga class or coming home after a run, you must re-fuel and get a healthy snack in you! Skip the candy aisle and those protein bars that have more sugar than soda, and pick up this DELICOUS “Delish Chick Pea Salad”. It’s about a half-cup portion and NOT dripping in oily dressing – The perfect protein pick-me-up!

Perfect Protein Pick-me-up

My two general complaints about Duane Reade –  I’ve never found the staff to be overly friendly. They’re helpful, no doubt,  if you ask for help. I had some interactions with a store manager once who simply kicked butt. He couldn’t solve my problem but was awesome anyway. It’s not like the staff is rude or aything and I get it blows working check out in retail sometimes, but the staff have never given me the warm fuzzies either. My second complaint is that Duane Reade can be pricy. Not over priced, but they are generally at the higher end of price point fluctuations. They do have really great sales tho if you keep your eye out on their bulletin and sign up for Flex Reward card. If you must have your favorite shampoo right this second and it’s not on sale that week, expect to pay in the higher price range for it.

I’ve been a customer and a fan of Duane Reade for years. As I’m growing and building this healthy life style for myself, it’s really phenomenal that a company and a brand I am already a fan of is growing in that same direction with me. I know that I can be on the go in the City and that Duane Reade makes it really easy for me to support the decisions that are important to me around my well being.

Please Note: After the tour I received a gift card as a thank you. I’m participating in this Duane Reade Campaign #DReade as a member of Collective Bias. #CBias. No other compensation was received. Views expressed are always 100% my own.