Impossible is a typoRunning my pants off and loving myself along the way

I am shocked to say this, but the most awesome sample from a FitBloggin’12 sponsor was the Calcium Gummy Vitamins from Nature Made.

Nature Made Gummy Yummy

Nature Made was crazy generous. They made yoga mats and carriers for us and gave each of us a sample of the new gummy and melt vitamins. And when I say “sample” I mean a life sized jar, as if you went to Walgreens and picked it up off the shelf.

Here’s a secret frustrating thing about me. I hate taking pills. I just can’t seem to manage taking pills every day. And I have tried everything. I’ve done charts to give myself gold stars for taking them, heck I’ve even tried paying myself. Take your vitamins, get a dollar! Weight Watcher’s has a easy-peasy-just-click-here feature too and bupkis, I never click it.

WW makes it easy to click... and I don't

And this is not limited to vitamins. I can’t even take prescriptions the way I’m supposed. Yes, I’m one of those horrible human beings that never finishes out an antibiotic course and will be responsible for the super bug that kills humanity. My bad.

I was kid of dubious of the gummy vitamin concept. It’s medicine, you should not treat it as candy. But since I’ve had this whole jar of calcium gummies, I can’t let it go to waste.

Holy Healthy Batman. I have taken two calcium gummies every day since Fitbloggin. Now, that’s a record for me. Two straight weeks of being a good girl with my vitamins!

Here’s another interesting factoid about me… right after dinner, I need a sweet treat. Maybe it’s just a bad habit, but I’m stuck in dessert mode. There’s something about a little something-something sweet right after dinner that I crave. Now, usually I’m rumbling in the kitchen to find a doughnut or a Weight Watcher’s ice cream bar, but for the past two weeks, my post-dinner treat has been the calcium gummies.

How freakin’ weird is that? That a you can consider a vitamin a desert worthy treat?

The only problem is that it’s hard to stop at two. But I have a tricky solution! I’m headed over to Walgreens to pick up Multi Gummies and B Gummies. I’m so very tricky!

Photo Bombed!

So there I was at Fitbloggin’12, enjoying the Good To Know reception when Skinny Emmie pops over and suggests we snap a quick photo in our stylish Gwynnie Bee outfits when kapow!

Photo bombed…T

Take 2?

Fitbloggin photo bombed.. again!

Double kapow!

Bombed again. Third time is the charm.

Finally... Looking good at FitBloggin

Apparently, photo bombing was rampant at FitBloggin’. Who else got #bombedatfitbloggin?

Fitbloggin’12 was last weekend. There was great people, great sponsors, great food, but it was kind of a weird weekend for me.

I'm angry, who knew!

First of all, I was presenting on building your brand. So I was nervous, and feeling unprepared. I missed pretty much the first day because I was fretting over my presentation. When it was over – whew – I could relax and do the conference thing.

FitBloggin’ is amazing because of the people who attend. It’s kind of like summer camp with out S’mores. I feel like I didn’t meet as many people this year as I did last year. But that’s a different blog post.

So the presentation went well, I chatted, hugged, laughed… and then…

Then came Tara’s panel “When you have a lot to lose” and I kind of lost it a bit. See, here’s the truth – I’m 30lbs heavier than I was this time last year.

Crap.

What do you do as a fitness and weight loss blogger when you are getting fat again? I got all emotional and messy. It wasn’t until that panel and a conversation with PinkyPie (AKA Renee) that I realized I’m angry.

I’m angry at myself that I have to do this all over again.

I’m angry that I let the pounds creep back on.

I’m angry that my clothes don’t fit.

And god help me if one more person says to me “if you did it once, you can do it again”

And I feel like a failure.

And to top it all off, I just don’t wanna! I know how hard it was losing it all the first time and I just don’t want to put that kind of effort into weight loss again.

I’m perpetually stuck in Monday mode right now. “I’ll start Monday”. “One last doughnut and I’ll get back on track”. “Oh look dumplings”. FatGirl has won and successfully beat FitGirl back into the closet.

FitBloggin was a week ago. Have run this week? Nope. Have I eaten doughnuts? Yup.

I’m angry. I’m frustrated. And I really don’t know what to do. So that was my Fitbloggin, how was yours?

I wrote two different Fitbloggin recap posts. Everyone else was doing it so I figured I should too. I’m a joiner like that. Neither post really speaks to me about what Fitbloggin was and wasn’t. You want a nuts and bolts recap of what happened? Go here. Read away.

What Fitbloggin was in my eyes was the creation of a community.

FitBloggin was Tara, compelting a 5K and then walking The Mile with Jess, not because he needed, but because she wanted to be part of the journey.

FitBloggin was DubyaWife running a 5K and realizing she CAN.

FitBloggin was about realizing that YOU make a difference in the world and maybe THE difference.

FitBlogging was about putting names to faces and accepting yourself just as you are

FitBloggin was about learning that you, just as you are, are enough.

FitBloggin was about being accepted and loved where ever you are in your life for who you are and what you do.

Oh and yeah, FitBloggin was about tutus!

The secret to FitBlogging success was not the panels or the food or the sponsors, but the people and the experience of love and acceptance.

FatGirl chatting with Dr Fitness and the Fat Guy

Fat Girl: OMG I can believe we’re going on an internet radio show and we’re going to tell the WHOLE WORLD that we’re *whispers* F A T.

Fit Girl: I wonder if we should hydrate before the interview. I don’t think we’ll need to carbo load tho.

Fat Girl: Holy Handbags! What do we wear?? Will these yoga pants make my butt look big on radio? Does this mic make my voice sound fat?

There was a time in my life where I was doing a lot of television appearances, and I had a weekly radio show. I was living overseas, and as the token white chick in the government, they had me in front of the camera as much as possible. I remember coming home one day after being surprised by camera crews who wanted the local ex-pat opinion a boycott of French wines and good. I flipped on the TV and there I was. EEP! I dove for the remote. It’s amazing how fast a fat girl can move when properly motivated. The only problem – the interview was on the two other channels also. I promptly left the house for medicinal donuts and  sake.

At Fitblggin, I had the opportunity to be interview by Dr. Fitness and the Fat Guy for their radio show. It was a delightful experience and the guys are awesome. Their show is live every Thursday at 11:30am EST. Put in in your schedule and make it your medicinal donut for the week!

Fitbloggin is TODAY! I’m about to hop on a train to get to a bus to get to another bus to be at this fantastic conference. So I thought I’d throw up a little post about my Roomies!

Elisha Dew @elishadew. She blogs at My Thunder Thighs. “To inspire, to motivate, to encourage, and to accept. To persevere. To believe in each other and in ourselves. To trust in our bodies. To face our own realities and learn from them. To grow, and to improve. To love our bodies, our selves, and our lives.”

Gretchen @shrinkinggretch. She blogs at Honey I Shrunk Gretchen. “Hi! I’m Gretchen: 23, Whasian, and thoroughly obsessed my two mini schnauzers. Down 50 lbs (so far!) by embracing clean eating and freeing myself of a previously toxic relationship with food. Thanks for coming along for the ride!”

Julie. @wearingmascara. She blogs at Wearing Mascara “I started this blog in August 2008 because I’ve always secretly wanted to start a blog and I’m obsessed with everything technology related. At the beginning, this blog talked about random things connected to my day-to-day life. As this it has evolved and changed, so have I. My focus on life now is to be happy and healthy. In the past, I’ve struggled with body image issues, not exercising right, and emotional eating. It’s still a day to day process but I’m exactly where I need to be.”

I think I’m awesome and am on top of the world, and then I’m not for a day.

I track and count points for a few days, then I don’t for a week.

I write a flurry of blog posts, and then I don’t for 2 weeks.

I run like my pants are on fire, and then I don’t for a month.

I’m out every night with friends, and then I don’t for a few months.

I’m one foot-in-one foot-out of everything in my life. I’m in and engaged and then out and disengaged with my own life. Some of it has to do with that tricky made up stupid fear talking inner Fat Girl who just wants to sit on the couch and eat snacks.

There’s a lack of inspiration too. I’m tired of watching what I eat. I’m tried of not seeing progress. And if I asked myself honestly, I’m not seeing progress because I’m not doing what I know I need to do to see progress.

I’ve lost 80lbs and part of me feels like I deserve a break. I want to have my own Whine and Cheese party and just be all mopey that I still have 40lbs to lose. I want to be down on myself and not celebrate how far I’ve come, because that’s easier than ramping up to finish the job. I know how to be all negative and beat myself up. And I’m really good at it!

It’s easier and safer to play the in-and-out-game. It’s not hard to win after all. You just do half the job, get cranky about it, and BOOYA, you’ve won!

And there’s nothing wrong with feeling and acting this way. I could probably live the rest of my life quite happily, floating around the 190lbs mark, running 5Ks and being an on again off again blogger. That’s perfectly fine and dandy.

But that game isn’t big enough for who I am. I want more. And who I am is more than that.

This is a conversaiton I had with myself about a week ago. There’s nothing wrong with being self-pitying and mopey and fearful and hiding and whatever it is I’m being right now. But I’m ready to be done with that, sort of.

I’ve sat on this post for about a week. I gave myself a time limit to feeling this way. On publishing this post, I declare that I am done with that way of being and I’m ready to step into something new. And I have no idea what that will look like, and it’s going to be awesome.

Fitbloggin Bound

Hi there! I’m Anda and I run a little site called Great Clothing Exchange. It’s an exchange site for people on their weight loss journey to post and win clothes as they “size down” to meet their goal weight! All for just the cost of shipping! It’s easy, it’s fun and it’s a great way to save money! And GCX has some really, really big news!

Hold onto your shorts for this one: #Fitbloggin has so very graciously given GCX to have a small space to do a real, live and in-person Great Clothing Exchange! Just bring a few items of clothing and find it a great home with another Fitblogger that needs that size. Cruise around for something in your new size from another Fitblogger, too! No shipping. No costs. Just come and trade to your heart’s content! It can be clothes, accessories, shoes… everything but underthings, please. No size too small or too big!

Here’s the info:

Day: Friday, May 20th

Time: 10:30am to 11:20 am (or 11:55 if it takes longer and the room is still available)

Place: Laurel D room

It’ll be a blast!

Twitter is an amazing thing sometimes. It allows you to get to know and share in the lives of people whom you’d never meet otherwise. Some of them are funny. Some of them are cranky. Some of them are inspiring. And some of them, well, you just wish they lived next door to you so that you could pop on over anytime. Vinny Slavin is THAT guy. The second Vinny tweeted he ran his first 5K, I asked him to write it up for my blog, because Vinny and I share the idea that who you are is NOT limited by who you THINK you are. And that’s why we run – because we know we CAN, and we know it has nothing to do with what we THINK we can’t. So may I present my first EVER Guest Blog Post!

Fat Guys CAN Run by Vinny Slavin

Two weeks ago I ran my first 5k and I did it in 45:15! Two weeks ago I weighed 275 pounds and I’m 5’8”. For those who don’t know me, I’m Vinny and I blog over at The Fat to Fit Diary and I’m here to tell you today that fat guys can run too!

When I was asked by Amy if I would guest blog here, I jumped at the chance. I was flattered that someone would want me to share my story on their blog. I also figured this was the appropriate place to let people know that being fat doesn’t mean can can’t run!

When I agreed to do this race it was supposed to be a “practice race” for my first official race on May 22^nd. In fact, I wasn’t planning on running this race at all. The plan was to pirate this race (I missed the registration deadline) and walk it with a couple of friends who had previously registered for it. The idea was that I had never been in a race setting and this would give me a taste of what goes on so I wouldn’t be so nervous for my first race. Oh I got a taste alright.

The atmosphere was a bit intimidating at first. There were so many people around that looked so…fast. I calmed down a bit by telling myself I was walking this and I’ve done a lot more than 3.1 miles before so this will be cake. Then one of my friends came over to me and said he was looking to finish this in about 35 minutes so he was going up front with the runners. His wife (the other one I was supposed to be walking with) said that she would set the pace for us and that if I needed to slow down we could. Well, I guess I misinterpreted their meaning of the term “walk”. I started to get real nervous. My fastest 5k time before this was about 48 minutes and I pushed it to that get.

Everyone walked to the starting line with the runners in front and the walkers in back. We took our spot near the middle of the walkers. When the race started Kathy (my partner) took off walking, and by walking I mean the fastest possible speed you can walk before you are actually running. By the first quarter mile we were leading the walkers! I kept up with her for a bit then she would get about 30 yards ahead and I would jog to meet her. This went on for the whole race that I was supposed to be walking. My shins starting hurting from the fast walking pace so I ended up jogging most of it.

With a quarter mile left to go and sweat pouring off me like a faucet, Speedy Gonzales next to me asks if I have it in me to run to the finish line. I was like, where have you been, I’ve been running this whole race. So we took off at a decent pace toward the finish. Let me tell you the last quarter mile was amazing. There were people lined up to cheer us on and I’m sure that is what kept me from falling on my face. I saw the finish line, started to run faster and I crossed the line with a big smile on my face (or so I was told). I stopped my watch a few seconds later and it read 45:32. I was extremely happy! What was supposed to be a leisurely practice walk turned into my fastest 5k yet! Not to mention that after it was all said and done, my official time was 45:15.

So to wrap this up I just want to say, that no matter what size you are get out there and move. When I first started last year I had trouble walking for a half mile. I just kept moving more and more each day and eventually I was running. It didn’t happen overnight and I’m not going to say it was easy but it did happen. So next time you feel you’re size is keeping you from doing something, remember these words…

Fat girls…and guys can run!

My new found speed was not a fluke. I ran 2.81 miles in 35:18 at a pace of 12’34″ burning 400 calories. 40 seconds or so faster than yesterday.

I noticed something. At the start of my run, my body posture was on the stiff side. My core and upper body were holding really good posture however. Shoulders down and back, arms out a bit from the body, leaning forward into my run. My pace, which was on the fast side (well, faster than my normal la la la I’m running thru the grass oh look squirrel pace), felt very easy. I need to read ChiRunning again to get this straight, but the book talks about using your core to power your legs. Muscles are like rubber bands, when one set stretches, another set contracts, so to move your legs efficiently, you have to get your upper body and your arms going to push and pull your legs. I felt that my posture, while stiff, was really driving my legs today.

Until I started Mile 3.

At Mile 3 I felt my upper body start to get really tight and tired from this stiff posture. My legs felt great but my upper body was starting to ache, like when you white-knuckle your way thru something and your hands cramp up. I walked for about 50 paces, shaking out my body, cracking my neck. When I started running again, I made a deliberate and conscious effort to focus on relaxing my shoulders WHILE keeping that same posture. I felt great! Light on my feet, almost like my body couldn’t keep up with my legs.

BUT I could only keep that concentration for about a half block or so. I had to keep reminding myself and keep coming back to it. It was a struggle. This is exactly what frustrates me about meditation. When I’m made aware that I lack concentration, I get really crazed about it and that just drives more distraction. Oh hey look, shiny….