Impossible is a typoRunning my pants off and loving myself along the way

I turned 39 today. My Crazy Inner FatGirl has been running around like a lunatic these past few months. I woke up this morning to waffles and bacon, which was delicious, but then I realized, if I’m working today on my heath and fitness goal, when? If not now, when?

So I ran the First Annual FatGirl 5K. Participants = 1. And it was awesome.

DubyaWife’s snarkyness caught my attention on Twitter. Then she had to go a throw her own little Whine and Cheese party about how she was NOT a runner, even tho she was training for a 5K. Once we got THAT nonsense resolved and she declared herself a RUNNER, THIS is what became possible.

OMG What am I doing by Dubya Wife

I hardly slept the night before.  New town, new people, new bed.  This whole Fitbloggin thing was new to me, but I was excited.  I rustled in the bed switching from side to side, hoping not to wake up my roommate.

Get some sleep, DubyaWife, you’re gonna need it.

Finally after trying to think of happy things… rainbows… fairies… unicorns pooping cupcakes… my eyes shut and I was out.  What seemed a moment later, the alarm clock ran, and I jumped out of bed eager to get on my running clothes.  I’m not sure why I was so eager but the nervous anticipation had me racing around like a rabbit in heat.

I made my way downstairs, across the lobby where I began to hear the chitter chatter of peoples.

Oh my gosh, all these people are here.

The nervousness set in more.

More people to watch my struggle, more people to pass me by.  More people to watch me fail.

I’d always imagined my first 5K to be at home, locally.  Not in Baltimore.  Perhaps running with my sister or my brother, who kept pace with me and encouraged me on.  All the while I was knowing that family and friends waitied at the finish line, ready to hug me, to give me a high-five, to cry with me.

This would not happen.

I was a face among a crowd.  I was in a strange city with strange people.  Only very few of them knew my 9 month struggle.  Would they know what this was worth to me?  Would they keep pace with me?  Would they cheer for me?

We made our way down to the starting line.  Nerves set in as a jumped up and down in place.

I am so nervous.  Omg, What am I doing!? WHAT AM I DOING!?!

I had been training since September of 2009.  I’ve had a popped bursa sac in my right knee,  stress fractured in my left knee, and up until this point hadn’t run 3.1 miles at all.  I hadn’t actually ever done this.  I was petrified…. and yet, excited at the same time.

Off we go, down the harbors of Baltimore.  There were many turns and streets we had to navigate, but I had some friends who were right there with me.

“We’ll keep pace with you, go as fast or as slow as you need us to.”

Right.  Great.  Breathe.  Slow.

As I went I listened to their conversation as they effortlessly talked during their run.  Envious a bit, I pushed the thought out of my brain.  It’s not about being like them.  It’s about completing this race.  One 5K – jogging the whole way.

My feet pounded.  My arms swayed.  My breathing rhythmic.

I can’t do this.  Eventually I’ll start walking.  And then I’ll hate myself for it.  I may be running now, but it wont last… just like all the times before.

Get that thought out of my head.  Get it out right now.  Remember what your friends said.  Slow pace, focused breathing.  Checklist of your body.  If you’re not injured, about to throw up, or close to fainting, keep going.  Once foot in front of the other.  One stride at a time.

And so I kept going.  I kept running.  Across wooden docks with the salty, fishy sea air.  Across cobbled streets with Old American architecture-like houses.  A gray haze was over the sky that day, no sun, so that’s good.  Perfect weather.  Perhaps this is the ideal situation for my first 5K.

My heart is pounding… My lungs are having difficulty breathing in and out… And every time I cough it feels like my throat is on fire.  I can’t do this.  I’ll finish this portion and then walk.

One foot in front of the other, DubyaWife.  Focused.

We get to the half way point… or at least close to the halfway point.  I get excited to see that I’m halfway done.

I’m only halfway done!?!? Hell no, I’ll never make it through this.  I’ve gone only halfway and I feel like I’m dying.  My heart rate is through the roof.  Only halfway!!!

Keep going.  One stride and then the next.  Focused breathing.  Listen to your friends conversation.  It will distract you. They are here with you.  They are running with you.  Look at your friends as they give you high-fives for making it half way.  They support you.  They want you to succeed, and you do too.  You can do this.  Keep going.  I find my friend FatGirlsCanRun.  She says she wants to run part of the race with me.  I’m inspired.

And so I keep running, making our way back.  I can’t talk and jog at this point, it’s too difficult.  The crowd is more sparse now.  Only me and my two running friends.  But they’re here with me, they won’t leave me.  I run beside another friend who seems to be struggling.  We focus our breathing together.  It helps me, I hope it helps her too.

I stride.  I stride and I stride and I stride.  We’re getting close at this point.  I look up and see the hotel that is our starting point.  That’s gives me some hope.

Omg, it’s so far away.  I’ll never make it to that building.  It’s so very far away.

I keep going.  I feel like I may cough up my lungs.  Back through the same path, twists and turns, salty harbor air, with wet ground beneath as my feet labor with each step.

I feel heavy.  My legs are heavy.  I want to give up.

The hotel is getting closer.  I can see that I’m closer now.

I’m almost done now, I can just walk the rest of the way… I should just walk…

I want to run in!  I want to run in and know that I finished it the way I started.

You can’t do it.

Yes I can.  Yes I will.

A couple more steps.  A frog develops in my throat.  Tears fill up my yes.  I see the corner where we started, but no one’s there.

See, there’s no cheer.  Your family isn’t here.  No one’s there.

I turn the corner.  I stop.  I look up as my lungs finally start to breathe.

And I’m bombarded with cheers… with hugs… with high-fives… with pictures.  With smiles.  I sob (and almost hyperventilate) cause I’m so happy.

I look up at the sky….

You did it.  You did it.  Be proud.  You did it.

I smile from ear to ear as I grab my phone and call my husband.

Me: “Baby, I did it!  I ran a 5K!”
Dubya: “That’s great!”
Me: <sobbing> “I can’t believe I did it, I ran the whole thing!”
Dubya: “I’m so proud of you!”
Me: “Oh I wish you were here, everyone’s cheering.”
Dubya: “I wish I were there too.  I’m proud of you.  Congrats, baby!”

And so something I thought was impossible was possible. Through the power of positive thinking and a little help with my friends.  

Dubya: “Now get off the phone baby and breathe, you sound like you’re about to die. Ha!”

Special shout out to: @262milejourney @runningknitwit @shrinkinggretch who ran with me and of course @FatGirlsCanRun

Twitter is an amazing thing sometimes. It allows you to get to know and share in the lives of people whom you’d never meet otherwise. Some of them are funny. Some of them are cranky. Some of them are inspiring. And some of them, well, you just wish they lived next door to you so that you could pop on over anytime. Vinny Slavin is THAT guy. The second Vinny tweeted he ran his first 5K, I asked him to write it up for my blog, because Vinny and I share the idea that who you are is NOT limited by who you THINK you are. And that’s why we run – because we know we CAN, and we know it has nothing to do with what we THINK we can’t. So may I present my first EVER Guest Blog Post!

Fat Guys CAN Run by Vinny Slavin

Two weeks ago I ran my first 5k and I did it in 45:15! Two weeks ago I weighed 275 pounds and I’m 5’8”. For those who don’t know me, I’m Vinny and I blog over at The Fat to Fit Diary and I’m here to tell you today that fat guys can run too!

When I was asked by Amy if I would guest blog here, I jumped at the chance. I was flattered that someone would want me to share my story on their blog. I also figured this was the appropriate place to let people know that being fat doesn’t mean can can’t run!

When I agreed to do this race it was supposed to be a “practice race” for my first official race on May 22^nd. In fact, I wasn’t planning on running this race at all. The plan was to pirate this race (I missed the registration deadline) and walk it with a couple of friends who had previously registered for it. The idea was that I had never been in a race setting and this would give me a taste of what goes on so I wouldn’t be so nervous for my first race. Oh I got a taste alright.

The atmosphere was a bit intimidating at first. There were so many people around that looked so…fast. I calmed down a bit by telling myself I was walking this and I’ve done a lot more than 3.1 miles before so this will be cake. Then one of my friends came over to me and said he was looking to finish this in about 35 minutes so he was going up front with the runners. His wife (the other one I was supposed to be walking with) said that she would set the pace for us and that if I needed to slow down we could. Well, I guess I misinterpreted their meaning of the term “walk”. I started to get real nervous. My fastest 5k time before this was about 48 minutes and I pushed it to that get.

Everyone walked to the starting line with the runners in front and the walkers in back. We took our spot near the middle of the walkers. When the race started Kathy (my partner) took off walking, and by walking I mean the fastest possible speed you can walk before you are actually running. By the first quarter mile we were leading the walkers! I kept up with her for a bit then she would get about 30 yards ahead and I would jog to meet her. This went on for the whole race that I was supposed to be walking. My shins starting hurting from the fast walking pace so I ended up jogging most of it.

With a quarter mile left to go and sweat pouring off me like a faucet, Speedy Gonzales next to me asks if I have it in me to run to the finish line. I was like, where have you been, I’ve been running this whole race. So we took off at a decent pace toward the finish. Let me tell you the last quarter mile was amazing. There were people lined up to cheer us on and I’m sure that is what kept me from falling on my face. I saw the finish line, started to run faster and I crossed the line with a big smile on my face (or so I was told). I stopped my watch a few seconds later and it read 45:32. I was extremely happy! What was supposed to be a leisurely practice walk turned into my fastest 5k yet! Not to mention that after it was all said and done, my official time was 45:15.

So to wrap this up I just want to say, that no matter what size you are get out there and move. When I first started last year I had trouble walking for a half mile. I just kept moving more and more each day and eventually I was running. It didn’t happen overnight and I’m not going to say it was easy but it did happen. So next time you feel you’re size is keeping you from doing something, remember these words…

Fat girls…and guys can run!

So here are the details of the Long Island Walk It Challenge 5k.

It will take place in Oakdale at 3pm and registration is 22.50 (it goes up after May 15!).

I think I’m going to get me a fancy Fat Girls Can Run Tshirt and everything!

Get your sneakers ready!

I’m taking on the Walk-it Challenge with Weight Watcher’s and it is going to be a Party!

Check back here for info, walking groups, 5K listings and more fun than a barrel of fat girls in a cupcake store!

First item of fun – get in 10 mins of movement today! 5 mins out. 5 mins back. Simple right?