Posted by Amy | Posted in Mind Games, Uncategorized | Posted on 28-09-2012
Tags: Fat Girl, Fit Girl, FitBloggin, weight gain
Fitbloggin’12 was last weekend. There was great people, great sponsors, great food, but it was kind of a weird weekend for me.
First of all, I was presenting on building your brand. So I was nervous, and feeling unprepared. I missed pretty much the first day because I was fretting over my presentation. When it was over – whew – I could relax and do the conference thing.
FitBloggin’ is amazing because of the people who attend. It’s kind of like summer camp with out S’mores. I feel like I didn’t meet as many people this year as I did last year. But that’s a different blog post.
So the presentation went well, I chatted, hugged, laughed… and then…
Then came Tara’s panel “When you have a lot to lose” and I kind of lost it a bit. See, here’s the truth – I’m 30lbs heavier than I was this time last year.
What do you do as a fitness and weight loss blogger when you are getting fat again? I got all emotional and messy. It wasn’t until that panel and a conversation with PinkyPie (AKA Renee) that I realized I’m angry.
I’m angry at myself that I have to do this all over again.
I’m angry that I let the pounds creep back on.
I’m angry that my clothes don’t fit.
And god help me if one more person says to me “if you did it once, you can do it again”
And I feel like a failure.
And to top it all off, I just don’t wanna! I know how hard it was losing it all the first time and I just don’t want to put that kind of effort into weight loss again.
I’m perpetually stuck in Monday mode right now. “I’ll start Monday”. “One last doughnut and I’ll get back on track”. “Oh look dumplings”. FatGirl has won and successfully beat FitGirl back into the closet.
FitBloggin was a week ago. Have run this week? Nope. Have I eaten doughnuts? Yup.
I’m angry. I’m frustrated. And I really don’t know what to do. So that was my Fitbloggin, how was yours?