Posted by Amy | Posted in Mind Games | Posted on 16-05-2011
Tags: awesome, Fat Girl, fear
And the Crazy Fat Girl that lives in my head says:
I can’t wear that because I’m afraid that people will think my butt looks fat in those jeans.
I will only run at night because I’m scared people will laugh at me.
I’m gonna scarf this cupcake in the bathroom because I know some one will think oh she shouldn’t be eating that.
I’m totally not talking to that hot guy because he’s going to think I’m fat and ugly.
Do you notice a pattern here? There’s this voice in my head that stops me from being the person I want to be, from being the person I am, because I’m afraid of what people are going to think, say or do.
Here’s the tricky part – I don’t actually know what people are thinking. That voice in my head is making it all up. I don’t know that the guy I’m afraid to talk to won’t like me because well, I’m scared so I won’t talk to him so I’m never going to know. My head just assumes that is what’s going to happen so it becomes so real for me that this make-believe fear just cripples me and I end up taking no action.
And let me take this fear ride one step further – Say I ditch all the negative voices in my head and be who I am and who I want to be, there’s a fear that I can’t live up to that. I want to live an awesome life and make a difference for people, and what if I can’t. What does it say about me?
You know what it says about me? Nothing. It means nothing until I CHOOSE to give it meaning. And since I’m apparently making it all up in my head anyway, I can make it mean ANYTHING.
I’m really tired of that. I’m tired of being afraid of things that aren’t real. I’m tired of backing out of life. So hold on to your shoelaces people, fear doesn’t own me anymore.
What are YOU afraid of? What does fear stop you from doing? And are you ready to give it up with me?
Great post. Thank you.
I don’t know about guys (’cause I’m not one), but I always worry about self-image, then remember what I’ve heard so many times before: people are usually much more worried about themselves–too busy beating themselves up to care one lick about how I look or what I’m doing.
I was completely struck by the idea that you only run at night b/c you are worried about what anyone will think of you. Please, dear God, stop that today, now. Run whenever you want. I’m getting old. That sucks. Really sucks. My legs look like leather. But I still wear shorts–and I plan on doing so until the day I die, esp. living in Florida.
Also, everyone eats cupcakes–no shame in that one either!
You are taking all of the right steps toward being the healthiest you. Please be proud of yourself.
Regarding your question, fear stops me from doing many things, but at the moment I’d say my primary fears are healthy ones leading me in the right direction. May not always be true . . . but anyway best of luck to you in saying screw what anyone else thinks. I wish my husband had that attitude way more often–he doesn’t even like to have sex in hotel rooms for fear other people might hear us–sorry to be so literal but gees worrying about what other people think, particularly strangers, serves no useful purpose that I have ever seen.
I can totally relate to this. I care so deeply what other people think, that it really only takes a slightly dissapproving look for that self-doubt to kick in. I’ve always struggled with this. When I think a friend “might” be mad at me, I let it eat away at me until it makes me really sad. Often, it was all in my head. It’s really hard to let this go. If anything running has taught me that I don’t have to be the best at something to be able to enjoy it and actively participate in it.
ahhhhhhhhh fear….
I can relate to the run when it’s dark so nobody sees you…
I do that! I run early early in morning to make sure I’m not seen and back before the high school kids are waiting for the bus at 630 because Lord knows I am NOT running into a crowd of 30 teenagers! So when I run, I’m out the door by 5:30 a.m. to make sure it’s dark and nobody’s out!
Now, back when I was in shape, healthy, more active I didnt care…now that I gained a lot of weight and just now started losing it and running again I’m running in the cloak of darkness…at least til I lose more weight and run faster! lol
Oh god, you’re in my head, aren’t you? Perhaps our Crazy Fat Girls are related.
Fear has held me back from so many things. This overweight body has been my excuse so many times. But there is also the fear that IF I lose the weight, I won’t have any more excuses, and I will see that I’m not really all I imagined I could be.
But you know what? SCREW THAT? Just because I lose weight doesn’t mean I have to be president or whatever other thing my head can dream up. The ONLY thing that matters here is being happy with ourselves. Losing weight is a means to that end, and leading our lives exactly as we choose is a means to the same end. Sometimes those two things are the same thing–like running on a beautiful spring day–and sometimes they’re not–like eating cupcakes.
My point is, we shouldn’t be afraid to be who we are. We’ve only got one shot at this, why waste it trying to be someone else?
See what I mean about being perfect roommies!?
I’m scared that my son will be made fun of for having a fat mom. He’s not even 1 yet…
I have to stop this thinking because it does not help. Counter-productive.
Meg, when you have that thought, just say “thanks Crazy Fat Girl”! and just know that its your self trying to protect yourself. Its OK to have these thoughts. And you know what, you’re the best mom your son will have, fat or not!
Wow, your inner fat girl and mine could be twins. Fear has held me back from doing/trying so many things over the years. But, I’m scared of losing all the weight and still not achieving all those things. No more excuses and I still don’t accomplish those dreams? How sad would that be?
I have already made baby steps in overcoming some fears…I regularly go to fitness classes with other people, pushed myself to apply for a new position that will really push me, and signed up for some real 5Ks. I need to get rid of that fear of running in front of more people! I am just so tired of worrying about what others think…time to finally let go and just do whatever I want!
Fear may never go away right? My Crazy Fat Girl that lives in my head will always chatter away. The trick is to ACT ANYWAY.
I have had everyone of those thoughts and more. I am so afraid of what other people will think. I let all my fears of the unknown or unreal things keep me from doing all kinds of things.
I want to be a runner but I keep holding myself back because I’m afraid people will laugh at the fat girl trying to run.
Both you and Elisha have voiced things that have been in my head for so long.
I’m with you! I’m going to let go of the fear and just be me because being the me I really am is good enough.
Let it go! You are a rockstar, you just have to let yourself be that!
[...] and then out and disengaged with my own life. Some of it has to do with that tricky made up stupid fear talking inner Fat Girl who just wants to sit on the couch and eat [...]